I hope I can spread awareness with my experience from breakdown to breakthrough with anxiety. Breaking the stigma and silence of mental health topics is very close to my heart.
We have just celebrated the New Year and entered 2020, a new decade. I really celebrated this year and felt so excited.
Last year was different.
I was suffered a mental breakdown and I thought my time on this planet was over. I was living hour by hour, scared to sleep for the fear of not waking up and having the feeling of impending doom every minute of the day.
This was so far from the person who I was.
I was always happy, positive, helping others and always looking forward to something in the future.
I have suffered from mild anxiety for the past 10 years, but I was always in control, or so I thought. I remember January 2016, like it was yesterday.
A feud had started within the family and it soon became a very toxic situation. I thought I was dealing with everything really well and decided to take myself out of the situation completely.
I still stand by decision and it was the best decision I have ever made. However, it was in that moment life just seemed to get really hard.
The toxic situation was still simmering in the background and there was a lot of subtle bullying in the online world that related to the ongoing feud.
Over the next 2 years it was like I was slowly losing myself; I was being chipped away at. Being made out to be a person who I wasn’t.
November 2018 tragedy struck
I lost my hope for the future and my whole world came crashing down. To find out you are going to bring a life into this world and then have that ripped away from you is heart-breaking.
It’s the most painful thing have ever experienced, I grieved for our baby and I grieved for the future and had to come to terms with the fact I might never become a mother, this was because I couldn’t see myself being able to deal with this pain again.
January 2019 I was diagnosed with panic disorder, apparently it was my brain dealing with sudden tragedy. I couldn’t speak, leave the house or complete the simplest of tasks.
The person who I became was totally unrecognizable to me. I am a girl who loves having my hair done and doing my make up, I love taking pride in my appearance and dressing up. I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize the person who was staring back at me.
I was certainly at crisis point and just wanted to be back to me again. Mt panic attacks simulated heart attacks so was constantly at the hospital. I knew deep down that the hard work was yet to come.
I underwent 3 months of psychological therapy.
It was my outlet every week, where I would undergo talking therapy and mostly cry.
There was so much hurt that needed to come out. I had become a person that was so unsure about myself, I remember asking the psychologist how do I come across, what type of person am I?
I was seeking external validation because of what people had wrongly said about me over the past 3 years, it had chipped away at me and made me feel I was someone who I wasn’t.
It took four months to rebuild myself to a state I could basically function and leave the house for a few hours. Our mental health is so fragile, I have had my fair share of judgement too.
What I would say to those people is no one is immune. We all have mental health it just depends whether it is good or bad and it will fluctuate within our lifetime.
I am a big advocate for selfcare. You have to look after yourself both physically and mentally.
I now practice mindful walking, ensuring I get to walk through nature and take notice of my surroundings; even down to how my feet feel walking on the soil. If you haven’t tried mindful walking you should. It is so relaxing and grounding, it’s an instant pick me up.
I attend meditation classes; I also complete my journal daily. I have learnt to self-reflect and I am back to loving me again. I know who I am, and I am proud!
In October 2019 I became a certified NLP practitioner and a breakthrough coach, and my passion is helping others.
I help other people to live the best lie they possibly can. I am also a business coach and help women start up in the online world. The feeling I get when I have helped someone is just amazing. To have a positive impact in someone else’s life is such a gift.
2019 was my year of breakdown to breakthrough, I know if I can overcome this then anyone can. If this post helps just one person, it was worth sharing such a personal story.
Remember you are capable of anything, make a choice and start living a life you love, take care and be kind to yourself and others around you.
About The Author
Michelle Chitty has faced some difficult times but has overcome them with determination to now feel on top of the world. She uses her experiences to help others in the same place she was. Empowering Female Entrepreneurs and strengthening their mindset. Giving them to the tools they need to push through and have breakthrough moments, via one to one Skype calls and courses.